My circumstances at the time of the abortion.
It was a hasty decision. I think like many other women I went into ‘panic mode’ and believed the lie if I get rid of this ‘uncomfortable problem’ then all my problems would be solved. My head was all over the place, due to pregnancy hormones and the aftermath of an extremely violent relationship.
Did anyone bring pressure to bear on you or coerce you to choose abortion?
My family urged me to go ahead with it and the father started becoming increasingly violent. The fact that the child’s father was a psychopath and I was already a single parent to a young child heavily influenced my decision. I felt, I had no choice, how wrong was I. Statistics show that domestic violence often leads to abortion.
What was your immediate reaction after the abortion and how did you feel?
The physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual consequences of my abortion were overwhelming. My world fell apart, that night and next morning and weeks ahead when I fully realised what I had done. Extreme loneliness, sadness and shock at the loss of my much wanted child. I was convinced I would never experience ‘joy’ again. My body ached to nurture and sustain life. It was devastating, heartbreaking. Nights were filled with restlessness and scary, vivid nightmares. I was truly traumatised. This is an extract from my diary at the time. ‘I’m a mess, trying to go into town’ have to wear shades to hide my teary eyes. Scared, frightened and grieving badly. The pregnancy hormones are still in a post abortive woman’s body. I was left in a very fragile, emotional state. I desperately needed human support which thankfully I had. I could understand a woman might consider suicide in this desperate state of mind.
How has your abortion affected you?
It was not the right decision for me. I believe most women feel pressurised and coerced by family and society into getting an abortion. Their hormones are raging. They are fooled into thinking abortion is a viable choice. A ‘quick fix’ that would let them return to normal life. They are ignorant of the devastating emotional and psychological consequences of an abortion and in ‘no fit state’ to make such a serious ‘life altering’ decision. I don’t believe it is ever ‘the right decision’ to take a life. It is barbaric.
The thing is, I knew even when I was pregnant abortion was not the right decision for me yet I naïvely went through with it. Why, I will never know. I have to live with this. I remember clutching my stomach one evening so glad my baby was still with me. It was like my baby was taken from me in an extremely sinister way.
What has helped you come to terms with your abortion?
It is still very raw for me so I have a lot of healing left to do but I can honestly say I experience ‘joy’ and ‘peace every day. This is because I have a strong faith in God. One good thing that has come out of this is my faith has been strengthened. Shortly after, I experienced an intense healing in a ‘Rachel’s vineyard’ retreat. My family and friends have been very supportive.
Based upon your experience, what would you want to tell a woman considering abortion today?
I would like to say. If you are a woman thinking of having an abortion. Please don’t give in, don’t listen to the lies, you can keep your baby. I believe abortion is ‘ an assault on woman’. It tears the very fabric of our souls. It ruins lives. With abortion one heart is stopped and another is broken.